I was feeling ambitious this Saturday morning. I decided I was going to try a biscuit recipe that is top secret and carefully guarded by the Knights of the Templar (got it from a resident I used to take care of, and she handed out the recipe like it was going out of style). This is my adventure.
Preheat oven to 475
2-1/3 cups butter milk (if you don’t have buttermilk there is a way to make it with milk and vinegar but I’ve never tried it/have no idea how)
1 tsp cream of tar tar
6 cups Self-rising Flour (I used regular flour I had in my pantry I don’t know if there is a difference as you will see I am NOT Betty Crocker)
1-1/2 tsp Salt
3/4 cups Fat. I chose shortening
2tbs butter to brush on at the end
You should sift but I don’t have a sifter-thing because I’m not a real woman. Use three year old and six year old to “sift” everything together.
Call your amazing mother in law to bring you a rolling pin because she is a better woman then you are. She will also bring tomatoes from the local vegetable stand and you will want to cry but don’t becaus you need to keep your shit together.
Having successfully ignored your three year olds tantrum and made the experience seem way more fun than it actually is at this point, now he will decide he will participate in the making of the biscuits.
Roll out dough with your mother in laws rolling pin and use cookie cutter to cut into beautiful shapes.
Brush butter on biscuits!
Eat a tomato.
Realize biscuits are too doughy inside and are nasty. Assure six year old they will taste better with gravy and then breathe a sigh of relief that this recipe makes like 18 biscuits and you can make your next batch better.
Burn next batch because you were playing with baby.
Glare at husband who is successfully making delicious gravy because this burly manly man is a better woman than you are.
Cry because there is no wine.
Open up can of pilsbury biscuits…
Don’t tell the kids and let them believe that the biscuits were just transformed by the gravy….