Namaste, bitches

I used to be so anti-meditation and all that “hippy dippy nonsense”. It just seemed silly and being a big fan of modern medicine I just thought of it as a way to “cover up” a real problem. People meditating for health or peace just didn’t seem smart. You have to work for those things, you have to put in the physical effort. Never did I see meditation as a means to achieve anything.

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And boy was I wrong!

I try to be the best parent I can be but sometimes I am just burnt out and tired and I loose myself. I have yelled, I have spanked my kids, and I jumped on them about things that looking back I realize were just petty. I instantly regret it, but it happens and it’s terrible. Sometimes I feel like I’m so stretched thin I might rip in two.

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I started introducing mediation and “mantras” into my life when I found out I was pregnant with my youngest. That pregnancy was a roller coaster between the fear of having a miscarriage in the beginning and the fear of a bad genetic screening result followed by the stress if high blood pressure towards the end. It rocked me, and that’s an understatement.

I found a picture on Pinterest that said “Be Still” and it resounded in me so deeply for some reason. I began repeating it to myself whenever I felt overwhelmed. I didn’t realize it then but I was creating my own mantra and using it to meditate. This is the actual picture that caught me:

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Not long after I bought a 108 mala bead necklace. It was cheap and more symbolic than anything. I would repeat “be still” 108 times, sometimes 216 if I didn’t feel rested after the 108. Each bead a prayer; each prayer a relief.

It’s amazing how objects hold onto that energy.

I gave up on my faithful meditations after my son was born, which ironically is when I really needed them the most.

When I went back to work it introduced an entirely new overwhelming obstacle into my life. I felt dazed and I felt powerless. I began to incorporate Yoga, and despite the obvious benefits I let it slide as well.

This morning I woke up and got ready while my baby slept. My three year old Drake woke up early and asked me to snuggle with him on the couch. I wrapped him up in my arms and we sat there for a few minutes watching cartoons and hugging each other. It was so peaceful and sweet.

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It was then that I remembered that the last time I felt this kind of calm was when I used my mala beads. I went into my room and pulled them from the small pouch I keep them in on a shelf over my bed. Just touching them made me happier. I repeated “be still” a few times and felt the familiar sense of calm. These beads held something special in them, and whether you believe in the divine or not you can believe in the power of impression.

So added to my new resolve to yoga daily, now I am mala-ing daily. I am going to begin a mindfulness challenge, and I would love to have people join in with me.

Every day for a month I will do Yoga at least once a day and then meditate at night. Meditating doesn’t have to be when you cross your legs and say “om” 100 times. Sometimes, after a long day, I meditate just by lying down and getting comfortable and being mindful of my breathing. You don’t need a mantra you don’t even need to make a sound. Just doing that for fifteen minutes will do the trick (or until you fall asleep, sometimes fifteen minutes doesn’t happen for me!)

Now I see meditation as a physical act that helps you achieve peace. If you can heal yourself inside then you start feeling better outwardly. I will update as I go, and I am hoping that a month from now I will have created something for my family that is irreplaceable.

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2 thoughts on “Namaste, bitches

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