Yes, I am pregnant.
“But Melissa, you said you were done having babies!”
Yes, I remember INTERNET. I WAS done having babies. The Lord had a different plan!
After getting over the initial shock of the ‘holy shit how am I supposed to care for another child, omg we need a new vehicle, omg I will have spent my entire 20’s changing diapers”, I have officially settled in to the idea that I am having a fourth child.
1) I don’t care about the food restrictions
I have eaten sushi, lunch meat, and I drink a cup of joe every morning. I take my prenatal vitamin….as regularly as I can remember…and every morning on my first break my husband picks me up and takes me to get a beef chimichanga and a pizza stick. “Melissa, that is not a very nutritional breakfast.” No shit, INTERNET. It keeps me from being a raging cavewoman at work, and stops the uncontrollable dry heaving at my desk.
2) I am grumpy preggo-saurus
Its bad guys. BAD. Its all the things that used to bug me and are kind of mildly annoying to everyone, but they make me raginingly angry.
Example: I was car sick on our way home from the mountains the other day. My husband kept asking me if I was OK, which was infuriating because I was trying to concentrate on not puking my guts out. I snapped “I will let you know when you need to pull over, don’t ask me again.” Then, he continued to check on the kids/dogs in the backseat. The motion of his head constantly turning to check on them while I wanted to be in a state of pretending I was alone on a beach infuriated me. “WHAT ARE YOU DOING”, Preggosaurus bellowed. “Checking on the dogs?” “Well STOP IT.”
….we both started laughing because we both realized how ridiculous that was, but that is a good summary of what exactly has been going on.
I have also been crying whenever I feel like my husband is mean. Which could be as simple as “omg Melissa WHAT DO YOU WANT FOR DINNNNNEEEERRRR”…..”Why are you yelling at me??? Waaaaaaah!”
I also told my neighbor that he house is stupid and a pain in the ass…but I digress.
3) I am growing RAPIDLY
Holy moly Internet. I am RAPIDLY expanding. I can literally feel my tendons stretching and shredding. I feel like I am going to truly pop open. I am exctually amazed at how quickly I am showing. Life is hard.
4) I don’t care about anything
My weight, the amount of stretchmark’s I do or do not have, people’s opinions, if I am grumpy…you name it. I don’t care if I look cute, I don’t care if I am glowing (and I’m not), I don’t care if someone has an opinion on my calorie intake. I gift zero _____.
5) Boss-level confidence
I am SO freaking confident in my ability to carry and care for a human. I look at people who are scared or concerned or intimidated by childbirth and pregnancy and I look at them with a knowing “oh, dear child” look and impart the wisdom of four to-term pregnancies. I nod my head at the “I thought the second trimester was supposed to be amazing??” questions and answer in my sage-like way “they lie.”
6) The acceptance of morning sickness
I remember when I was pregnant the first time crying over the toilet bowl wailing the woes of my world as I ruthlessly dry heaved. Now, I’m listening to my kids reading me “Green eggs and ham” while holding the baby back with one foot as I put my makeup on before work between boughts of dry heaving/actual puking. I will say that the stress of applying eye liner and mascara between dry heaves is a REAL struggle.
But it’s not a surprise, it’s not anything I haven’t dealt with, and life goes on. I still have to get these kids out the door and on time for work!
7) What’s comin’ will come, an’ we’ll meet it when it does
Had to throw this Harry Potter Hagrid quote. Because, it’s boss. And because after four pregnancies I have learned that this is the reality of life. I have received bad test results, been on bed rest, had preterm labor issues, high blood pressure, swollen feet, once my belly button scar opened up because my skin was so stretched….that was gross. But after all of this I have learned it is SO out of my control. I just have to keep on doing what I can and not stress about everything. I got some questionable test results this pregnancy, and I have to have a bunch of ultrasounds to rule different things out and I haven’t shed one tear or even really thought about it much. It is what it is. And I’ll meet it when it does!