The Five People You Meet During Pregnancy (all simultaneously living inside of you)

This is probably not relatable to everyone, or maybe you’ve only experienced one or two of these people. Or maybe the hormones have had no effect on you…liar. I mean maybe they haven’t…I don’t know your life.

BUT from my professional experience on being a pregnant woman, this is what I’ve experienced.

Please know that these personality “Preggosaurus” flare ups don’t necessarily have to be constant. Maybe you just have one meltdown your entire pregnancy? 

I know with #4 I’m experiencing all kinds of…things. Buckle up buttercup, because I still have about 6 months to go.

1. Why-are-you-yelling-at-me girl

Why are you yelling at me girl cries at everything. She cries when you look at her wrong, she cries when she’s happy, she cries when she’s mad.

I recently cried when my husband teased me about never being able to pick where I wanted to eat. I was hot, and I didn’t want him to tease me anymore….so I cried. Hard. And for real. These were not fake tears. He laughed and hugged me as I shouted “Why are you so MEAN.” And we both laughed (I laugh cried).

2. Glowing-girl

This person is fictitious to me, hence why she is a rabbit filter. Because I have yet to experience the “glow” associated with pregnancy.

But, supposedly, this magical being actually GLOWS with a radiant light from within. I don’t know much about it, so I will leave it at that.

3. Come-at-me-bro/split-personality woman

This girl gives NO fucks. ZERO. NADA.

She will bring her kids outside to play, put her feet in the pool to cool off, and then go all ‘hold my baby’ white trash on her neighbor when the neighbor starts getting froggy. Wanna fight?? Hold my baby!

Then, she feels better, and is excited about dinner. Because she is bat shit crazy.

4. Straight-up-don’t-even girl

This woman is justifiably angry. She has worked all day, brought the kids home, acted as bouncer between the fights and tattling while making dinner, and then when she’s doing the dishes something stupid happens.

It could be anything…I will use the real life example of “could you do the dishes any louder??” from her husband who seems to have forgotten the hot mess of hormones he helped create.

EXCUSE ME. Do you WANT me to do them louder?? I can do them louder. Do YOU want to do them quietly? No? I thought not. Simmer down there buddy. SIMMER. DOWN.

5. Cravings-satisfied-angel-from-heaven-above

I don’t love my husband more than I do when he helps me get my cravings. The other day I came home to a jar of pickles in the fridge that are just for me. Now, this pregnancy I have developed a psychopathic obsession with pickles and more specifically drinking the pickle juice. I don’t know what is missing in my body, but it needs pickle juice.

I’ll text him and tell him I need something greasy, he’ll bring me a friend gas station burrito. Because…that is EXACTLY what I want. And it makes me light up like the fourth of july.

He’s a good one 
I will recognize that this is not all pregnancies, and some of us experience some of these more or less than others, but I have basically been a schizophrenic multiple personality disorder mess this pregnancy and my husband really has been a trooper! Love that guy.

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